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Post by Wade Mason on Nov 12, 2009 0:12:41 GMT -5
[Single Match] Russell Franchise Vs. V
Limit: 2 Each Maximum First Deadline: Saturday November 14th at 11:59pm EST Final Deadline: Sunday November 15th at 11:59pm EST *Championship Scramble Qualifier
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Post by v on Nov 15, 2009 23:53:54 GMT -5
((shut up i'm fucking tired. )) I'm bringing all of this up because currently there is a stench coming in from my hall that no amount of Febreeze can seem to tame. I cannot for the life of me determine the origin, but it's horrible beyond anything I know how to properly reckon with. It's like someone threw a rotten egg into a bottle of spoiled milk and skunky beer, farted into it, put the cap on, shook it up, and threw it at the floor. The source of this rank nasal offender has been quite elusive thus far. Even when I go to where it's strongest, there is nothing nearby that could even produce any smell, let alone a stink of this impressive caliber. I can't seem to escape it. All I know is that it wasn't there two days ago when there was nobody on this hall but me, but now that there are other people living here, it's like a chemical warfare testing area. It's preventing me from experiencing anything even remotely resembling rational thought. It wafts under the door, and before I can think about it, I'm sticking my head out in the hall, taking a big ol' lungful, and trying to guess the source of the aroma without vomiting up my whateveritis I last had, and I just can't pin it. I seriously don't know why I haven't moved by now. Into a better place, or a house, or just given it up again and gone back to living solely out of hotel rooms and simply throwing away clothes when they're dirty. See, while it's generally understood in these places that if it spills in your apartment, it's at your discretion whether or not you clean it up. But if it hits the floor in the hall, nobody's allowed to touch it. Everyone is expected to look away and pretend they don't notice until such a time that either the building management is forced to clean up the mess for fear of it mutating into a sentient, superior, and wholly evil lifeform, or an ice age strikes. Whichever comes first. Shitty-apartment residents can spill just about anything. This includes food products, of course, but also laundry detergent, cat litter, paint... and add to the mix a hearty dosage of every type of alcohol ever produced. People in these sorts of places have two determiners when it comes to purchasing alcohol: a. is it cheap, and b. would anyone in their right mind ever drink it? The answers should be yes and no respectively. Anyone can spill beer, but only we can spill beer at less than twenty cents a can. When it comes to hard liquor, the old favorites such as whiskey, gin, rum, and heroic amounts of vodka make it into the rotation, but we have a strange propensity for foreign liquors with unpronounceable names that are designed to taste like foods we would never eat under normal circumstances. Naturally these liquors usually smell like those same food products, only after being left in the sun for a month. Liquids aren't the only things found in your traditional apartment hallway, though. We can spill much more than that. We can spill things that should be even physically possible to spill, such as furniture. Just give us enough time, and believe me, we'll find a way to grind it into the floor. But that's just the spillables. Your average apartment odor is much more robust than just that. You also have to account for by-products of the human body, ranging from urine to vomit to whatever the hell comes out of your pancreas when it's properly ventilated. Then there's the little addition that every resident adds. A place will be somewhat tolerable the first week. But seemingly overnight, the distinctive smells of cigarettes, marijuana, cheap incense, and approximately forty different varieties of overcooked ramen noodles begin to mingle into a sickly sweet musk that could choke a warthog. Oh, don't forget the trash. The more food that has been deposited into any given trash receptacle, the longer that trash receptacle will go without being emptied. If a trash can is filled with empty containers and paper products, it will be emptied immediately upon becoming full. If it is filled with rotten fruit, half-eaten pizza slices, and wasted Chinese food, no one will empty it until the surrounding trash mound becomes old enough to attend classes. What does any of this have to do with anything? Well, when you see me walk to the ring to face Russell Franchise? He's just another rancid melon rind in the fucking heap. The stink is hell and high heaven, but I don't think he's the main source of it, and while I question why I haven't moved the fuck on? Well, moving probably (untested theory) takes more energy than cleaning up the mess to begin with.
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