Post by .::Beauty::. on Apr 9, 2010 4:01:15 GMT -5
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
Today is that day each year that you either are happy it comes around, don't care one way or the other, or you dread it. To me, April 9th is another day that brings the past flooding back to me. Over the next 24 hours I'll sit here and look back at the choices in life I've made, the good and the bad.
There are things I wouldn't trade for the world, things that I would do anything to change, and the things that I try to forget.
There was a time that when April 9th rolled around I was excited for the day and what would come. Always excited to see what he was going to surprise me with. I never wanted anything but he always ended up getting something I loved. A piece of jewelry, flowers, a night on the town...it didn't matter because I was with him. There was a time that he made everything go away, a time that he made me feel like I was on top of the world. Now each day I look back and wonder how things would be now if I hadn't have broken his heart. Sure, I feel justified in doing what I did but that doesn't change how it looks to him. I did what I had to do to protect him.
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
Now, everyday I wonder what would have happened if I would have just talked to him about it and worked worked on it together. Instead of trying to handle things myself and losing the greatest thing in my life. I've had memories from the wrestling business that I would never want to change.
My first win, winning the RXW Tag Titles with Starla, even the time Cody Clark and I spent together running BWF. The experience of running TGW right now is going to be something I never forget. Sure, I might not be a fan favorite but I love what I'm doing and that's what matters.
At the same time, none of that makes me as happy as he did. He and I are very similar in the aspect of love being one of the strongest feelings a person can experience. It's something that every person can have, even if they can be hateful they still will find someone. The whole, someone for everyone, is something I strongly believe in. A soulmate?
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
He was my soulmate if there is such a thing. Do I believe that one day there will be an us again? Do I believe that he and I will find our ways back to each other? I'd like to think so but he has moved on. Even if at this point he isn't with the person he had moved on to, his heart doesn't belong to me anymore. Our lives have gone down different roads and it might be too far to ever cross again, let alone travel down them together.
I did things that burned the bridges that could reconnect us, I was a fool. I tried to trick and manipulate him into loving me again and it backfired, just as it did when I was trying to protect him. I want nothing more than to be back with him and to live our lives together as we once had. It's hard to do that when he won't even look at me.
So today is just a reminder of that, of the life I could of had.
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
Today is just another day of living in San Diego with only my job and my band. It's just a day where I sit here and remember the life he and I had together. Happy birthday, to me. Happy birthday, to me.
Blow out my candles and wish for a life with him, take a birthday shot and drink away the troubles and pain I've caused. I'll make it through the day alone and wondering what is next in this life I live. Have I messed this one up that I can't fix it? Do I get a redo?
I want to believe that there is a chance now that he left Xaria. Now that the perfect couple is no more, do I have the chance to reenter his life? That's something that only time can tell, maybe dreams do come true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, April 9th, 2010 -- 10:15pm
The SHOUT! House, San Diego, California
The SHOUT! House, San Diego, California
The fans cheer as Alli Taylor walks onto the stage, ready for the show to begin. She'd done this a thousand times but she was still nervous. This would be the first time she'd played this club, let alone this city. It was also the first time she had preformed with her band live in roughly 7 months. The nervousness was washed over with excitement as the lights were low, a spotlight following her as she approached a microphone set up in the middle of the stage.
"Thank you."
She smiled and waved to a few fans standing up against the stage wearing one of her shirts.
"We are Heaven From Above and my name is Alli Taylor. We're excited to preform in San Diego for the first time and we hope you enjoy the show."
As Alli walks over to the dueling pianos that make the club famous the cheers die down, everyone eager to hear what the band will play. A few rolls of the drum symbols and Alli starts to play the piano, upbeat and lively. The bass drum kicks in as the rest of the band starts to play. She flips her hair back and leans into the microphone set up over her.
She starts to sing, "Before the Worst" by the Script1. She's full of emotion as she closes her eyes, her hands on the keys not missing a note. The fans are really behind her and seem to love the band.
As the song comes to an end she stands and walks back to the center of the stage. The band flows right into the next song..
After a few sets she bows and kneels down to the fans up against the stage and accepts a couple roses and a birthday card and she can't help but smile. She mouths, "Thank you" to the group of ladies as she waves to everyone in the crowd and heads off stage into a small dressing room. A mirror set up on the desk and she sits, noticing a card with her name on it.
~Happy birthday. No, I didn't forget.
It's unsigned but she knows the handwriting. A tear runs down her cheek as she smiles. She sees the clock, 11:40.
"Maybe this wasn't such a horrible birthday after all."
There is a knock at the door as it opens slowly. Ben, her lead guitarist nods and smiles.
"Alli, these were accidentally delivered to my room and I think they are yours."
He opens the door all the way and hands her two dozen roses, her eyes wide and stunned. There is a small white card attached to one of the stems.
~I told you I didn't forget.
The same handwriting.
She puts them on the desk and smiles, fighting back tears. She turns to Ben as he arches an eyebrow.
"Come on, it's still your birthday for a few more minutes. Let's get a few drinks."
"Let's."
"Who are the roses from?"
"Ben, don't ask questions you already know the answer to. I know you talk to him still."
He chuckles and shrugs.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
He winks and she punches him in the arm, walking out the door.
"Come on."
"Before the Worst" by the Script:
It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
You were vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night
We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back
Before it all went wrong
Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong
There was a time, that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to loose, but so much to gain
Are hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,
Set you a drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton Street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you where mine for life
We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on
Is try to take it back
Before it all went wrong
Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong
If the clouds don't clear
Then well rise above it, well rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we use to, just like we use to
Lets take it back
Before it all went wrong
Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong